Holiday Stress

There's no place like home for holidays, but when you have an infant, thinking about either preparing for company or preparing for travel can be a bit of a stress. Now, ideally (and of course that hardly ever seems to match reality), when preparing for time with family, try to think ahead of how you can keep your baby on schedule and then stick to that plan. Also come up with ways before the big day hits of what to do if your baby is getting worn out from all the attention" (translation: passed around like a bag of potatoes and overwhelmed by the perfume your aunt has applied without understanding the concept that "less is more"). Keep a close eye on your baby and try to "steal" her back when you see her starting to get overwhelmed - then head off to a quiet room, or even the car if you can't find even a quiet corner in the house. Signs infants have had too much (outside of crying) are if they begin hiccupping or begin avoiding eye contact. That's basically their way of saying, "Maybe if I pretend you're not there you'll go away." If you're afraid relatives will criticize your escape, get them involved in the get-a-way. For instance, ask your sister-in-law whether she'd mind taking the baby into the bedroom and rocking her. Most people won't object to some quiet time for the baby if they are the one who gets to escape with them, and that's especially true if you throw in something else like "I think she'd really enjoy some one-on-one time with you away from all this distraction." Not many people will be able to criticize that. Some may actually begin signing up to help.

Another tip - if you expect a specific criticism to come up from your oh-so-loving family, head it off. Two trusty tools of defense include 1) mentioning your doctor and 2) talking about how the topic at hand actually affects your baby (meaning, do they throw up, have bad diapers, wake up at night?). For instance, maybe your mother-in-law lets her disapproval of what you feed your baby (or don't feed your baby) known. Rather than trying to argue with her that 6 month olds really don't need turkey and dressing or that sweet potato pie is actually not the same as sweet potato baby food, shortly after you arrive, drop a comment about the issue. For instance, try something like how you're "so glad you took your doctor's advice about what to feed your baby" or about how you "really have to watch what you feed your baby since the last time you tried breaking the rules from your doctor, the diapers were just a disaster!" If people understand how breaking the routine effects your baby, they simply don't complain so much. They still many not agree that the routine itself is the way they would do it, but they're at least not as likely to push the boundaries you've already set. You can also insert little positive reinforcement comments. Telling your mother-in-law how glad you are to have in laws that support you in how you're raising your children is likely to make her think twice about contradicting you.

Now keep in mind, keeping your baby on her routine does not mean that you can expect everyone else to conform to lunch at 11 o'clock and a quiet nap time at 2 o'clock. It may not even mean that they'll wait on you to nurse before starting lunch. And also, some babies can handle routine "fudging" better than others. You're the one who will be able to tell how much that's true for your infant. Try to decide ahead of time what you're willing to let go. You're less likely to cave to the pressure from your mother that "it won't hurt him to stay up a bit later" if you've already thought through whether that really is true.

Remember that a lot of the stress your baby feels comes directly from what they're picking up from you, so regardless of what happens, focus on the positive things about the whole experience - like how great it is to see your father-in-law cuddled in the recliner with your son (you really can ignore the football game going on at the time). After all, those will be the Christmas memories you're likely to remember a few years from now anyway.

Merry Christmas!